June 15. 2013
Genesis 1:28-God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it…
Blessed we are. Beyond words. And, if I’m being frank, a little filled with fear. I am a combination of filled with joy and scared out of my little noggin to again be pregnant. Please join with us in praying for our sweet baby that we have tried so long and hard for. May our gladness not be overcome with worry and anxiety but that we may fully rely on God and trust His plan for our child. May we also hold this child ever so loosely as we know he/she is not ours but truly a gift from God that we’ve been entrusted to care for, love, build up, discipline, and shepherd wisely.
Blessed we are. After a year of trying, a miscarriage, and a false positive home pregnancy test we are full blown, honestly, thankfully pregnant. I’m not entirely thrilled with my bouts of nausea (never had them with K…twins in our future? a boy? triplets? am I the next octo mom?) or my extreme fatigue or sore lady parts (don’t be offended when I’m not down with a tight squeeze) but I am thrilled at the thought of being able to paint our guest bedroom grey. Regardless of the gender. Why am I nesting so soon? I have great plans for this child of mine…great plans that I hope are in accordance with God’s will. Plans for a healthy child, a loving child, one who is respectful and runs fully with reckless abandon toward the loving Father who gave him or her life.
Blessed we are. This couldn’t have come at a better time. We stopped being stressed with trying and just loved each other, Chris and I. We get to celebrate another child on this wonderful Father’s Day weekend and I just so happened to have an appointment with a new OB/GYN this Thursday. God’s timing. Not ours. Such a wonderful God we serve.
Blessed we are. I know my HDL levels aren’t ideal yet I made sausage and bacon within an hour of seeing those bulging red and pink lines on my test. I’m blessed to have found out early so I can kick myself into gear, not give into food temptations (which as of now are nonexistent,) and treat my body as the temple it is to best nourish and care for this sweet baby. With a latte drizzled in for good measure. K isn’t an easy big sister to keep up with sans caffeine so let’s keep our comments on how hazardous the good stuff is to ourselves and trust I’m not hooked up to an IV drip of Starbucks or the like 🙂 Was that hormonal crankiness rearing it’s ugly head via blog post? Welcome to Chris’ world for the past several weeks. Poor guy. If he calls you to ask to crash on the couch don’t blame me. Blame my hot flashes and the stock we’re taking up in Tums and ginger ale.
Blessed we are. We’ve been rallied around, prayed for and encouraged by so many wonderful friends and family. From women in Bible Study, to family who lives far away, sweet playgroup friends, and the immeasurable blessing that is our Community Group, from the bottom of our overflowing hearts, thank you. Our struggle has been public to those closest to us and one I’ve been overly transparent about. It has not been easy and it has tested me in ways I’d prefer not to be tested again but the Truth remains-I am a child of God and if I stop trying to play God and set parameters on my life then God can move in ways only He can.
Blessed we are.There’s still a prescription for Clomid sitting in Walgreens because I had no peace about utilizing any medical intervention. As a matter of fact, this was the last month we felt like trying on our own before taking the next step in some sort of fertility treatment. I’ll get into those issues at a later time but am so thankful God let Chris and I love each other well, lean on one another during heart break and let down, and trust that my body operates on a schedule all it’s own. The encouragement from my man when I was down on myself for the past 12 months about not being able to bear him another child because of my inconsistent ovulation is more valuable than gold. This man is my gift from God that I take for granted more times than I care to admit to most but I assure you he has been the most tender and loving treasure I could have asked for.
Blessed we are. To have a God with a perfect plan for our lives. Our God has given us a gift that I’m welcoming with open arms and am so optimistic that I’ll actually be able to hold one day. I am thankful for God’s outpouring of love on my family during this time and am so honored that he has chosen me to carry this child.
Father, I thank you for loving me, for loving my family, and for picking out the perfect child for us. May my hands be tender and my words sweet with this child and towards Kerrigan as we enter this new season of our lives. Thank you for Your timing, not mine, and for your entrusting my body to help nourish and grow this child for the perfect amount of time. May my desire to no longer be pregnant and uncomfortable cause me to seek an induction for my own comfort. I thank You in advance for what I hope to be a natural birth-that you have equipped me with all I need to deliver this child and that I may rest entirely in You and those you put around me to rally with encouragement to have an experience I so desperately desire. Thank You for Your blessings, Your love, and Your promise in Philippians 4:8- Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.