5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. -James 1:6
I have been d.r.o.w.n.i.n.g. Like, drowning, drowning. Like, mass texts to my Community group, prayer requests to my play group, and tearful conversations with my man who loves the Lord. And, alas,
Cristen God through Cristen, has blessed me. I just finished reading day 1 in the book- Psalm 23 and wouldn’t you know the study question is “What is God telling me, and how will I apply it in my life?” Obviously for my own personal walk I’ll keep my long winded response in my journal, but the gist of it is that I don’t trust Him. Pretty much ever. With anything. BRCA Analysis? Should have been a walk in the park. Deciding if I want more kids? Again, a walk in the park. How will I ever make K both love and respect me? I won’t, but through God I have a fighting chance.
I’ve neglected most of my dearest homies this week and I’ll be asking for your forgiveness individually. Know, publicly, however, that I love you and your concerns and am forever indebted to you for your kindness.
So the book has initiated me a 20 minutes a day with God first thing in the morning (or anytime, really) for the next 20 days. Surely I can commit to that. I know I have three strong women who call me their sister in Christ who will not only hold me accountable but convict me of my selfishness should I do otherwise. Anyone else with me?
The question resonated last night among our group when I confessed my struggle with time management. How in the WORLD am I supposed to spend quality time with K, read my Bible, memorize Scripture, clean my house, be an attentive wife, return phone calls, work, cook for others, cook for our family, and still have time to shave my legs, brush my teeth or put on deodorant? (Now is not the time to tell me why I should throw away my Dove anti persperant if I’m afraid of getting cancer. I already know this. I’ll make my own deodorant another day.) During all this I’m gonna need to go to the gym, drink a cup of hot tea, gobble a stroopwafel, and then make a spinach smoothie so I don’t have foodie guilt 🙂
The answer: my priorities are whack. Straight selfish. Example: K decided yesterday she needed to get up at 3, 3:30, 4, and 4:45AM. By that time I was up for the day and knew I should spend some time while everyone was asleep in the Bible. What did I do? I wen’t to the gym til 6, came home and made a huge breakfast and vegged to Nashville. Awesome. Totally edified the Lord with sitting on my backside, didn’t I? (The answer is a resounding, “no!)
Since I still have work commitments outside the home the struggle of keeping up our house became overwhelming. Our house is always “tidy” but the baseboards could use a scrubbing and my master bath tub could use some scrubbing bubbles. Alas, the Pinterest-inspired cleaning chart was born, and super cute cleaning supplies that make me feel as elegant as you can being on your hands and knees in the corner of your bathroom were purchased.
I figured if I broke things down I had to get the laundry out of the dryer before I dried it a second or third time to get out wrinkles.I always have random tasks that come up and there’s so much joy that comes from crossing out a chore. I’m a chronic to-do list scratcher-offer. It’s easy to see where I missed a task and can pick it up the next day so I’m always on top of things and not overwhelmed with an un organized play room and a boat load of K’s stuff piled up in my room.
Now I just have to figure out a daily time management schedule that will allow me to feel like I’m a stay at home mom again, not just a maid, and not just a working outside the home mama. A year ago I had one that outlined when we’d have music time, learning letters time, random play, quiet time, etc. I should probably find that template again.
Anywho, I’m done with being a James 1:6 gal. A direct quote from the “20 Minutes A Day…” book says “Ask the Lord to help you. It’s a prayer He cannot resist to answer! Today is the day to stop wasting time, whining about circumstance,s worrying about the future and wavering between what you want and what God wants. I know I’ve wasted enough of God’s time already.” I read that and I hear,” Don’t fear about having more children. Even if you get cancer or die suddenly you’ll be with Me anyway. Stop it. What you want is idle time and that’s when the Enemy succeeds and killing and destroying. Let ME(God) be your anchor. Stop being indecisive. Make a decision. Stop half committing to ME.”
That’s a lot to take in. A lot that encourages me, chastises me, and really blesses me. 20 Day challenge, I see you and I’ll raise you a sugar fast. Desserts no more. We’ll renegotiate that next month 🙂