Insomnia and being passive aggressive

I love sleep, yo. It’ a top 7 favorite thing to do-right up there with eat, be in Lawrence, and jam to an awesome worship song. I’m rarely an insomniac and am in bed by 10 most nights. I require a lot of sleep to be a nice and “on” person. Last night was not one of those nights and as such I’m paying for it this morning. Sean Lowe and the 20 and under moms from Teen Mom 2 held my attention more than my comfy bed non occupied by K. Sadly my midnight bedtime has made for a cranky mama. K is an equally cranky daughter so I’ll pray we don’t bite each other’s head off and simultaneously take a much needed nap. It’s just one of those “it’s supposed to rain so we can’t very well go anywhere so I’m stuck in the house with nothing to do except sleep but I can’t” days. That’s a very sad kind of day. Today I will focus on the good in my life in between being a super grumpy gills likely to be sensitive to how anyone communicates with me.

Today’s grumpy rant shall continue with my disdain for passive aggressive behavior. I mean, really, what’s the point. Be rude or don’t be rude. Don’t blur the line for others to think maybe you’re really just someone poor at being sarcastic. That’s tacky. Don’t be tacky. I can tolerate snarky attitudes and sarcastic quick wit but I’m sure it’s fair to say mumbled comments and displacing blame make for a pretty bad combination in a personality. I’ve been passive aggressivce many a time in my life. Just ask my husband. It’s pretty not cool. It’s like “Oh, here’s a novel concept, you screwed me over relatively hard core so in return I’ll conveniently make your life as similar to living with a leaky roof.” (Bible reference: Proverbs 19:13-3 A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof.) Who wants to be compared to a leaky roof. Not me. Especially not with this economy. That sounds like an expensive fix.

 <sup class="crossreference" value="(B)”>Not to be all “social worky” on ya but let’s just all agree that rude behavior is often a result of insecurity. And if said rude behavior is indeed deemed appropriate by said insecure person wouldn’t one think that having the personality of a gnat wouldn’t invite friendships? And if said gnat-esque personality were indeed a defense mechanism would one be open to a Biblical talk on conflict? I know what I’m called to do in a situation with a less than favorable person but, real talk, I have a hard heart when it comes to generally difficult people. I promise in a professional setting I’m far more accomodating. I’m really asking God to reveal an opportunity for me to address a personal passive aggressive situation for the simple fact that I firmly beleive we’re all children of God, have intrensic worth, and are generally worth respecting regardless of respect given to me. I’m really struggling with this y’all. It seems so abnormal to want to resolve conflict with an individual who you see so sparingly but, belive it or not, I’m extra sensitive and would like as little relational rift as possible. Leave it to the Lord above to create a healthy way of repairing relationships by calling us to go directly to the person and address it humbly and admitting our own faults up front. That’s a little hard to swallow with my prideful tongue.

This process of sanctification is rough. Justifying hurt feelings and general dislike for another is something that comes much easier than saying “I’m sorry.” My Type A personality may be a little hard for some to take in (words spoken out of love by my best friend some years ago but have stuck with me. It’s amazing the harsh truth we allow those closest to us to say while the same phrase from another’s mouth would likely end in a right hook if you’re the angry type. Or a demaning comment if you’re the passive aggressive type :)) My blissful ignorance allows me to live in a world where I wear rose tinted glasses all the time. The world I live in is not only conflict free but full of free espresso, calorie free food, and round the clock massages. Knowing full well this world is not my home I’ll remain optimistic that God has a special room for me in Heaven where I can relax with a sugar scrub and a book about my life showing all the hard lessons I could have avoided.

Anywho, I’m struggling with being a “good” person today. This calls for some praise music blaring out of my speakers and some genuine time with the Lord otherwise I can guarantee I’m going to make my own bed of behavior unpleasing to God and a sad toddler who needs a mama to play with her. My prayer for today is that my latte perks me up, that I arm myself with Biblical wisdom in conflict resolution and K and I make sweet memories-hopefully of the sweet baking delicious kind.


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