Suck it in or suck it up.

I’ve mastered the art of “sucking in.” For those of you fortunate enough to not know what it is I speak of let me inform you. My stomach looks similar to my toddler’s after she has eaten a large meal. I have a healthy less than desirable amount of fat on my stomach that I like to hide by constantly having my stomach pressed in as close to my spine as possible. I’m constantly fooling others around me into thinking I’m thinner than I actually am. If you’re offended by the way my vanity has skewed your perception of me then I apologize but you must first hear me out.

This sucking in business isn’t child’s play. It takes constant viligance to make sure my love handles don’t look too much like the fat blobs they really are. Thank goodness oversized tops and skinny jeans are “in” now because the honor of seeing this fine body in something quasi form fitting is reserved for my handsome man and unfortunate pictures in college. Please don’t go back to 2005-2008 in my Facebook albums. I am ashamed. In fact, I think I’ve rid my albums of evidince of my incriminating past.

The purpose of this post is not to tell you I’m a decietful liar who has finally accepted that Target clothes are made by tiny creatures who have never seen a woman who has had a child and dessert every day. I find it very insulting that clothing sizes in my closet range from a 6-13 depending on what brand has decided they’re going to attempt to ruin my day. The purpose of my confessing to you that I’ve got a long way to go before I walk the VS runway is that I’m over pretending that I’m still 18.

I’ve convinced myself for years that everyone’s a sucker inner and perhaps y’all are but I’m tired of it. I’d like to be on board with my homies to commit to getting fit, or even just healthy. I want to run around with K at the park all Spring and be able to keep up. I want my cake but in moderation. That’s a lie. I want dessert all day every day. I would like to want my cake in moderation. I love delicious food and the inner struggle with accepting the body I have (not the one God gave me because God didn’t give me an extra 8 pounds of Taco Bell, sushi, and generally poor eating habits during my pregnancy. That’s all me.)

Our family has taken steps this week to put more veggies in our diet and K has jumped on the bandwagon as well eating raw spinach, carrots, and black beans with swiss chard. I can’t fully commit to eating clean because I don’t eat for health reasons I eat because I’m hungry and I don’t think cardboard is a food group. I’m pretty happy with this body the Lord has entrusted me but, let’s be honest, I could take care of it a bit better. Updates on my change of heart regarding my body and how I look at food to follow over time. Looking forward to continued sucking in and sucking up the fact that I’ve made a small mess of my body and fully intend to take responsibility and do something about it. Since I’ve shown on several occasions that I can’t wisely use a gym membership because, well, I don’t go, I have to be creative in the exercise department. I equally can’t be trusted in the world of nutrition because a good part of my joy is found cooking in the kitchen and since I refuse to give up my passion I suppose I’ll be partaking in this idea called “moderation” that so many of you already knew about.

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